Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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