I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
