i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
