I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
