just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
