He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
