don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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