i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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