You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
