you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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