I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
