I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
