Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
