we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
