It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
