Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
