I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
