I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
