I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
