Plan B is the new Plan A
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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