it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You need Xanax blowdarts
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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