my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
