1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
