i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You're a waste of cheezeits
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
