What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
