I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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