He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
