he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I love having hate sex.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
