I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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