after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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