Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
