and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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