Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
