I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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