So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
