And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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