he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
