THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
