Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
