she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
