first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
