my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Randomize
