im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I am naked and annoyed.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
