i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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