I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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