I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
