cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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