Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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