So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
