Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
