I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
