I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
