She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
