I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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