trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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