What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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