It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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