I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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