I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I can't turn off my feet"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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