Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
