If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
