so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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