I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
