you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
