Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
