Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
