its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
