I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
