I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
