There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
