you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You were trust falling into bushes
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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