dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
